We're like a lot better than the average bears
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
