I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
