Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
