I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
