i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
