Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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