Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
