i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Semen is not good for contacts.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
