Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
