just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
