Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
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i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
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Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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