We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
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