An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
