There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
