he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
