He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
