Taylor Swift is so right about you.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
