Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
