Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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