I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
