I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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