My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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