Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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