would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
