I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
