You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
