I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
