Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
