Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
