The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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