I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
