i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We are two peas in an std pod
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
