Old men and throwing up are my life now.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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