loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
