omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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