I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
