Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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