never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
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No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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