suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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