Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
