What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
