but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
