i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
