No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
