after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize