Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
