so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
