this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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