Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
