like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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