I'm really into asian looking animals
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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