K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
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I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
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You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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