I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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