I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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