the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
there is puke in my bra ... again
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