pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It's Friday. Sex?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
