Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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