??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
