Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
