he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
