Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
