i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
