dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
