Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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