4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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