Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
