So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
