Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
