can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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