I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
