is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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