My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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