i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
