does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
