there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
