She said her name was "party"
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
